i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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