I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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