I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
