Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
