fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
