i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
