"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
