I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
