Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
