oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
vagina is talking i cant
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
