i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
