I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
