I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
