This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
