he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I still have a little drunk in my system
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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