weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
if only i could text you this smell
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
