He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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