You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
