I murdered the dance floor call the cops
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
