how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Small penises have feelings too.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
