I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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