dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
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