it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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