And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
