apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
