I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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