I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
