i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
