you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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