he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
