Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
