Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
