If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
