I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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