Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
