How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
