It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
