So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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