for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
