You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
