Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
