my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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