I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Randomize
