It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
