Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
