Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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