walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
There r osticjed everywhere
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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