Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
please come you make the beer taste better
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Randomize
