Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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