Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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