Fine. I'll sleep in my office
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
