My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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