Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
